Baby J’s Adoption Story

by Merissa on May 16, 2013

in Personal

Post image for Baby J’s Adoption Story

Oh I've been so back and forth to whether or not to post our adoption story. But for some reason I always keep coming back to it so I guess I'm meant to post it.

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For the longest time I've actually been scared to post our story. Although I'm not entirely sure why. I think because it brings up memories that aren't so pleasant.

I've read many adoption stories online. They are so beautiful and so perfect and happy. Ours is awful, painful, and even though it amazingly ended with a happy ending, the road here was the probably the worst year of our lives.

I'll start our story almost 4 years ago. Me and hubby were young but we had just bought our first house and we always knew we wanted a big family. A year later we still had no baby so I went to the doctor. They proudly told me I was so young and had nothing to worry about. They did all kinds of tests, bloodwork, and more and found nothing wrong. A few months later we started treatments and also start miscarrying. 6 times we said goodbye to our babies and each time my heart grew heavier. Finally I told the doctors enough. My heart couldn't take it anymore.

I turned to natural treatments and supplements. Still no live babies. Finally we decided we go talk to the state agency about doing foster care. Maybe we just weren't meant to have kids and just take care of them instead for someone else. A few months later we became certified foster parents but it wasn't for another few months (thanks to a bunch of messed up paperwork) that we got our first call. The first placement was only over night. The second placement came shortly after and lasted 3 months.

After that placement we went on a short vacation. My heart was still hurting and I told my husband I didn't think we were meant to have any kids. We tried to make the best of the idea, saying we could travel and spend all kinds of money on things we wanted instead.

The day after we got home from our trip we had a phone call. They had a placement for us. A 2 day old baby boy straight from the hospital. Even after all our declarations on our vacation I called and talked to hubby and we decided to take the baby. We were told he was possibly a long term placement but we didn't really know what that meant.

Literally 45 minutes later the baby was in my living room. I couldn't help but stare at the tiniest baby I'd ever seen. The poor thing was wrapped in all kinds of blankets just to get him to fit in the carseat. He was only 5 pounds. I left him in the carseat while the social worker had us sign papers and tell us what was going on with him. I didn't want to pick him up in front of her, I was terrified I might break him, he was so tiny!

She finally left and I took him out and fed him and carried him around for a while. I felt this immediate flood of emotions and strange bond with this baby in my arms. I snuggled him close and promised him that I would be there to see his first smile and he would know me as mama and I would protect him to matter what.

The next few months held many many many doctors appointments. We discovered issue after issue with this tiny boy. Baby J had so many allergies, kidney issues, breathing issues, and so much more. At one point he had rashes that covered him from head to tow from allergies so severe until I figured out what he was allergic to (not what the doctors insisted he was allergic to!). We had (and still do have) ultrasounds once every other month to monitor his kidneys. By the time he was a couple months old we were working with a total of 13 doctors, specialists, and therapists. Several which had to come in from other states and cities. I was at the doctor usually 3 times and week and when we started therapies we had that 3 times a week in-home. My heart went out to this poor baby. I knew he needed us and our bond grew so strong.

All this time we reported every single thing to the state. We even called a meeting with them and tried to tell them exactly what was going on with him and how delicate his situation was. We were told numerous times by many doctors of his that he needed to remain in our home because he was strongly bonded and at high risk of failure to thrive. They gave excuses, didn't listen. We even recorded some of the meetings with them and seriously, the things that were said would curdle your blood. It was terrifying. At one point we had a social worker come into our home and told us we needed to give up because it didn't matter what we want, it didn't matter what the doctors said, they were going to do what they wanted.

Fast forward to Baby J turning 10 months old. His case was finally cleared and now the state was opening up interviews for adoptive parents. We were repeatedly told we had no rights. We tried to hire an attorney to help the baby and she did a ton of research before telling us she couldn't help. Our adoption interview went fine but we were basically told it wasn't going to happen.

December 23rd I got a call. They were having the meeting to decide Baby J's future right then. The social worker would call us in a few hours to let us know the outcome. I took Baby J in my arms and rocked him and sang him to sleep and then I cried and prayed for some kind of miracle. 45 minutes later (after my husband had rushed home from work) we got the call. My husband took it and went in the other room. I heard him choke up and I started crying all over again. He finally came back into the room I was in and I collapsed in his arms. I lifted my head up as he told me, "They picked us hun, they picked us. He's staying with us." I completely broke down and sobbed uncontrolably while the social worker was still on the line. She told us she was on her way out to give us the details and tell us what's next. After my husband got off the phone I looked at him and said, "We finally have a son, he is our son!!" Which was followed by more tears and sobbing.

Then the phone calls...first the new grandparents and my granny (who became a great grandma for the first time!) and down the line. I was in complete shock and could hardly focus. When the social worker arrived she told us that there had been 7 people on his adoption committee, 7 people we knew and had spoken to and had been against us this whole time (expect one, the CASA worker who was with us weekly and knew just how much he really needed us!), she told us the entire committee was UNANIMOUS in the decision for him to stay with us. Talk about complete and utter shock. We had truly witnessed an honest to goodness miracle.

A month after we had found out this incredible news I had a doctors appointment and the doctor found tumors in both of my ovaries and extremely severe endometriosis (scar tissue). I would not have biological children without serious surgery and probably not even then. After all this time I finally had a diagnosis and you know what? I was ok with it. After the miracle we had gone through I knew that we were supposed to adopt.

Another month later and we had to go through the paperwork for Baby J. When you adopt a child from the state you are required to go through everything they have on that child so you fully understand what you are taking on. Even though really nothing came as a surprise to us it was all just more confirmation of our miracle. One incredible amazing thing though...when we were waiting for a decision, before the committee meeting, our social worker told us the only thing we could do was have recommendation letters send to the agency. So we told everyone we could about this and prayed that the letters would somehow move the hearts of the committee members. In the paperwork we dgot we found dozens of letters written by doctors, therapists, friends, family, teachers, and so much more. (Cue my crying again!) I'm not sure what kind of impact they had on the committee if any but it was such a blessing to know how many lives this little guy has already touched and how many love him.

Another month went by and it was adoption day. Somehow we got through the whole thing without shedding a tear, it was all smiles on this day. And honestly I didn't really believe he was ours until I got that paper with his name and our last name on it.

I've never not believed for one minute that I'm not completely blessed and that I'm not witnessing a miracle everyday when I wake up and see my son smiling back at me. My heart is completely bonded with his so much to the point that I even forget that he isn't my flesh and blood. But he is, and always will be my son. And no, those words don't even get old to say. My son <3

*Unfortunately due to security reasons I will not be posting any pictures of him on this blog. But I assure you he is absolutely adorable and has sweet soft blond/red hair and warm brown eyes.

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{ 56 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Christal K. May 16, 2013 at 8:19 am

Thanks for sharing your sometime frustrating, long and grueling, and moving adoption story of your baby J. I am so glad the committee decided to give you and your husband this blessing of a child you are calling your own as I know he will get all the love and care and attention every young person deserves while they are growing up.

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2 Elizabeth May 16, 2013 at 8:43 am

WOW! I had no idea you guys had adopted! You’re right. It IS a hard story, but what a happy ending that you have your sweet boy and he is YOUR son! :-)

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3 Amanda : Grace & Gusto May 16, 2013 at 8:44 am

Oh wow, what an amazing story! You are truly blessed. Thanks for making me cry. =P

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4 siti shabazz May 16, 2013 at 9:24 am

Hi Merissa :) U make my eyes get glassy with your touching story. I am an adopted child for my family, and I went through a total ovary surgery last year. I know how U feel and feel attached somehow to your story. baby J is blessed to have U n Ur hubby as his family. Good people like you guys will raise him to become his best as a human being. stay blessed :)

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5 Bonnie Jenniges May 16, 2013 at 9:27 am

Blessings on all of you and your support team.

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6 Merissa May 18, 2013 at 8:58 am

Thank you!

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7 angie May 16, 2013 at 9:31 am

This sounds like our story with our daughter. I feel what you have and still feel everyday, especially when you get to hold your miracle every morning. Congratulations on your little miracle!

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8 Merissa May 18, 2013 at 8:58 am

It is the most amazing feeling isn’t it?

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9 Charity May 16, 2013 at 9:32 am

I am so touched by your story and the fact that you were willing to share it. Thank you.

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10 Janean Monger May 16, 2013 at 10:02 am

OMG!!!!!! i was crying at some points in your storie and laughing in other parts…..i was also adopted , my storie is far differnt then yours but,,,,,,,i can tell you i understand your feeling and i am so so so happy thing worked out for you and this lil guy. good luck.

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11 Debbie May 16, 2013 at 10:04 am

It’s a wonderful story Merrissa! I’ve been in similar situation, where I went through 7 rounds of invitro and fortunately for me i’ve been able to have 3 beautiful boys from it, but it was a long hard, emotional frustrating road full of bumps, depression, miscarriages and high hopes. 2 of my boys were born premature, 1 only weighing 2 lbs and talk about scary you fight and fight hard to get them and then they are born 10 weeks early. Talk about tiny! Thankfully they all are thriving and we couldn’t be happier, well we wanted to add a 4th one but with my blood pressure issues, age and what we have to go through I believe i’m done as hard as it is to say but I have to be blessed that I was able to have my boys. And given what I went through as you, I feel it makes the bonds stronger!

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12 Merissa May 18, 2013 at 8:59 am

Oh my, those are some tiny babies! I’m glad they are healthy and happy :)

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13 Jessica May 16, 2013 at 10:36 am

Thank you so much for sharing your story! We are foster parents and I can’t imagine what you went through. Congrats to your new family! :) A miracle for sure!

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14 Merissa May 18, 2013 at 8:59 am

Good luck in your foster parenting journey Jessica!

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15 Dawn May 16, 2013 at 10:58 am

God hears prayer. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story of Love and Triumph.

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16 Emmie May 16, 2013 at 11:15 am

Merissa,
I am sure that this story was very hard to share, but thank you. I am rejoicing with you and your little one. I got so choked up reading about it. Yes, miracles do happen, and God does answer prayer. SO happy for you all.

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17 Malia May 16, 2013 at 11:31 am

What a wonderful story of the triumph of love! Adoption is such an amazing blessing. Thank you so much for sharing your story!

I follow both homesteading and adoption blogs, so when I saw the title of your entry on my read list under a homesteading blog, I was shocked! God is awesome. We considered foster to adopt, but we ended up going the route of embryo adoption.

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18 Arwen Fowler-Jonsson May 16, 2013 at 11:43 am

I have never understood when a child has been placed in foster care and gets with a family that when it is up for adoption they are usually the last ones picked. My parents did foster care for many years and many kids came and went. Luckily they had adopted my sister in a private adoption and my mom had myself and my half sister. The foster care system is so messed up…But I am so happy yours ended happily!!!

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19 Loren May 16, 2013 at 11:52 am

Thank you so much for sharing this story! God is so good!!

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20 Linda May 16, 2013 at 11:57 am

I so enjoyed reading your adoption story! It brought back many memories for me. We adopted our kids from Russia, coming up on 14 years ago. We had also hoped to adopt from China, but God had other plans for us and I am so thankful for the 2 wonderful young adults we are blessed to call our children. The best to you!

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21 Rebekah May 16, 2013 at 12:02 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story. My husband and I have been unable to get pregnant and that was an emotional roller coaster. We are now going through the process of becoming foster parents as well, with the hope of adopting. It’s a nerve wrecking process but I’m hopeful that we’ll have a son or daughter one day as well.

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22 Merissa May 18, 2013 at 9:01 am

Good luck with your adoption journey Rebekah!

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23 Kathy in Illinois May 16, 2013 at 12:03 pm

I am so sorry you had to go through such a terrible time adopting your sweet son, Merissa. God is good and he has blessed you with a son meant to be yours and your husbands. I am so happy for you and your husband. You both are great parents, and that little boy will bring you much happiness.
God bless, Kathy in Illinois

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24 janice brockett May 16, 2013 at 2:05 pm

awe, What a heartwarming story. It gave me chills and made me cry. I love happy endings

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25 Mel May 16, 2013 at 2:44 pm

Merissa…I am so happy for both you & your Hubby!…and, of course, for Baby J! Sometimes we can’t know the plan for everything, like God does, but it seems to me, that there is no doubt..Baby J chose both of you, for sure! Good luck with everything! :)

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26 Amber May 16, 2013 at 2:52 pm

This made me tear up! What a sweet story. Foster care can be incredibly messed up, having known heartache from it before (family friends cared for a young girl for 6 years, and were not picked to adopt her. She was devastated.), so I’m glad that things worked out for your family.

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27 Kimberly May 16, 2013 at 2:56 pm

Your adoption story was wonderful from start to finish. I happy for the both of you.

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28 Jolee Burger May 16, 2013 at 3:11 pm

Amazing story! Thank you for sharing. What miracles can occur when we trust ourselves and what is meant to be. Congratulations on your son. <3

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29 Debbie May 16, 2013 at 3:46 pm

I am a grandmother to several wonderful grandchildren including 2 adopted children….I read your story and felt your pain as we faced a few glitches along the way with our medically fragile babies but oh such a blessing they are to our family….Many blessing and wishes for a rich life to your and your family!!

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30 Jessica Fox May 16, 2013 at 4:33 pm

Your beautiful story made me cry. Your baby J is blessed to have such loving parents as you both are. Congratulations!

And thank you for sharing such a heartfelt story. It is encouraging!

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31 Mama May 16, 2013 at 6:02 pm

Wow, Merissa! Thank you for being brave and sharing your story! Adopting a baby really does take courage, especially when you have to deal with the state, and the possibility of having them placed with another family. I have no idea how anyone has the courage to be a foster parent – to love and child and then let them go… Praise God for keeping the three of you together, J is truly your son, and obviously God planned for him to be a part of your family!

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32 Tracey May 16, 2013 at 9:12 pm

BEAUTIFUL story! Brought me to tears & touched my heart. My Jesus bless your family greatly for cherishing this sweet gift from God.

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33 Wendy C May 16, 2013 at 10:54 pm

Thank you for sharing your story. It has been a trying day in my household. Reading your entry today allowed me to take a step back and appreciate my family.

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34 Merissa May 18, 2013 at 9:02 am

:) <3

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35 liz May 16, 2013 at 11:18 pm

Wow thats so touching! It shows your persitant. It also shows what prayers,and love,and not giving up do,along with family and friend support.thank you for shareing that wonderful story with me.

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36 Loraine May 17, 2013 at 3:00 am

Thanx for sharing your heart warming story with us! Blessings!! Blessings!! BLESSINGS!!

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37 Brenda B May 17, 2013 at 5:20 am

I am weeping tears of joy for you! And you are wrong, yours is a heart-breakingly beautiful story! Although I was older when, I too was unable to get pregnant. We went through fertility treatments and in vitro and when my period started, I was devastated. I could not do it again. All the while, I heard the Lord saying that we would be an important part of our nieces and nephews lives. To make a long story short, we adopted my sister’s baby boy and he has been the joy of our lives. God bless your sweet family!

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38 Merissa May 18, 2013 at 9:03 am

Yay for a happy ending for your story too!

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39 Serenity de Clare May 17, 2013 at 5:46 am

Your story gave me hope. I had a hysterectomy last October. I had suffered for over a decade with stage 4 endometriosis and had endured 4 surgeries for it. I have an emergency D&C last August for I had hemorrhaged for three days and then I decided enough was enough…I was tired of the pain, the bleeding, the surgeries and the fact that I was never going to have kids and between my mother, my fiancee and I, we decided it was best to get a hysterectomy. My fiancee and I desperately want kids. I think that the system is broken. Why should people like my fiancee and I and you and your husband have to pay for a child whilst other people can have them for free? Other woman just have them over and over and toss them away like an old glove but yet we have to pay? It is not right nor is it fair. I struggle with the fact that I am not fulfilling my duty of procreation and that I am ‘broken’ every day and it is hard. We had wanted a daughter so badly and I wanted one of my fiancee’s and mine blood, but now we cannot. Don’t get me wrong, we will love another’s child just as our own.
You showed so much faith and perseverance it is quite inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story. Adoption is long and hard and it shouldn’t be. It is emotionally taxing and sometimes, devastating, at times on both parties.

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40 Merissa May 18, 2013 at 9:05 am

I know how you feel. Even though I try not to think about it too often I’ve remarked to my husband that I’m “defective” and I can’t figure out why it has to be that way. But now I understand we were meant for adoption. I agree that it’s difficult to understand why so many women that don’t want to have children can have them and those that really really want to cannot. I guess I just have to trust there is a plan in all that too! I hope someday you are able to find your miracle baby.

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41 Jackie May 17, 2013 at 8:52 am

Wonderful! I subscribed a few months ago on a gut feeling I could learn tips from you. Now I know I was meant to hear your similar struggles to have a little one in your arms. My husband and I are waiting for a phone call from Adoption Options Manitoba – we are ready! After years of fertility treatments, acupuncture, fertility diets, yoga, massage, miscarriage, and still no natural pregnancy we also talked of travel and a 2nd vehicle, but….we are waiting for that one phone call to change our destiny. Thank you for sharing your story- inspiring me as always!

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42 Merissa May 18, 2013 at 9:05 am

Oh that’s awesome! I hope you get the call very soon!

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43 Jackie May 17, 2013 at 7:02 pm

Merissa, thank you so much for sharing your adoption story. I am so happy for you! I can’t help but think how truly blessed your little boy is to have you and your husband for parents.

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44 Patricia May 17, 2013 at 8:03 pm

I had no idea!
This is marvelous…your family is so precious. What a tremendous blessing you’ve all been given.
I cried the whole time I was reading this… thank you for sharing your story and this testimony of God’s Blessings.
:) Pat

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45 Merissa May 18, 2013 at 9:06 am

I cried writing this story :) We are truly blessed!

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46 Christy May 18, 2013 at 3:23 pm

I’m so glad you shared this story!!! We prayed hard thru your trials. I still have the note at work, that David scribbled to me when you guys got the first call.. it says.. “2 day old baby boy” .. he was so ecstatic!!! I’m happy for you guys! He is such a perfect fit.. he will be a blessed boy indeed!!! Congratulations!

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47 denise May 18, 2013 at 5:54 pm

Congratulations!! I had heard from Sarah that you were finally able to procede with the adoption, so it was special to read about it! She showed us some pictures too; what a precious lil’ guy!
Our “story” isn’t quite the same but can enter in to some of what you experienced. Our “babies” are 13 and nearly 10 already!
Happy for you 3 and wish you the best!!
The Veldkamps

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48 Beth May 18, 2013 at 6:00 pm

Oh Merissa, I found your blog while staying at home with my baby a few years ago, and have enjoyed it ever since, and have thought what a joy it would be for you to be a mom. I was so happy when you would mention having your little one, and really appreciated reading your story today. I’m so glad to know you have your little one too!

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49 Glenda May 21, 2013 at 5:27 pm

Many blessings to you, your husband, and your son, Merissa. Your blog is an inspiration for so many people. Thank you for sharing your life.

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50 April May 21, 2013 at 10:45 pm

I am in tears reading your story that I just happened to stumble on to, and I’m so happy that I did. Your story is just beautiful and there is no doubt that you were always meant to be his Mommy, and through all of your heartache, your son was just waiting to be born to come to you. Your warm, open hearts are just beautiful and you are all blessed to have one another. Congratulations!

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51 Steph September 23, 2013 at 10:07 pm

What a beautiful story you have to tell baby J. My husband and I both suffer infertility and have spent four years hoping and praying and crying. We have discussed in the future becoming foster parents. That need to be parents is so deep seated but we have some things in life we have to work out before we can commit. I have a permanent disability with my back and leg but would still love to have babies but it may be too much and we could love to be able to help children in need. You seem like wonderful people and you are so lucky to have found one another!

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52 Leslie McCarthy December 11, 2013 at 4:13 pm

I have two adopted children, all grown now. There is nothing like adoption, and my kids are definitely flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone, no matter what. God bless you guys!!♥

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53 Kelly February 10, 2014 at 1:12 pm

I had tears in my eyes. I’m so glad that your story has a happy ending. All the medical issues and then thinking he might get taken away from you must have been so difficult to get through. Your son is so lucky to have you as his mom!

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54 Elizabeth April 7, 2014 at 9:38 pm

What a beautiful story. My husband and I married in November 2009 and were looking forward to children. Unfortunately, 2 days after our wedding, I was diagnosed with uterine cancer and had to have a complete hysterectomy. My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage, but we don’t see her, and someday we hope to become parents through surrogacy. Bless you and your family.

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55 sravanthi September 14, 2014 at 9:55 pm

wow…i was in tears by the time I finish reading this post. Good luck with the boy. I have read and seen so many adopted babies doing well in their lifes. I have few friends and they are so good to their parents.

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56 Meagan October 17, 2014 at 7:35 am

You are an overcomer. I love your story ❤️

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