Oh I’ve been so back and forth to whether or not to post our adoption story. But for some reason I always keep coming back to it so I guess I’m meant to post it.
For the longest time I’ve actually been scared to post our story. Although I’m not entirely sure why. I think because it brings up memories that aren’t so pleasant.
I’ve read many adoption stories online. They are so beautiful and so perfect and happy. Ours is awful, painful, and even though it amazingly ended with a happy ending, the road here was the probably the worst year of our lives.
I’ll start our story almost 4 years ago. Me and hubby were young but we had just bought our first house and we always knew we wanted a big family. A year later we still had no baby so I went to the doctor. They proudly told me I was so young and had nothing to worry about. They did all kinds of tests, bloodwork, and more and found nothing wrong. A few months later we started treatments and also start miscarrying. 6 times we said goodbye to our babies and each time my heart grew heavier. Finally I told the doctors enough. My heart couldn’t take it anymore.
I turned to natural treatments and supplements. Still no live babies. Finally we decided we go talk to the state agency about doing foster care. Maybe we just weren’t meant to have kids and just take care of them instead for someone else. A few months later we became certified foster parents but it wasn’t for another few months (thanks to a bunch of messed up paperwork) that we got our first call. The first placement was only over night. The second placement came shortly after and lasted 3 months.
After that placement we went on a short vacation. My heart was still hurting and I told my husband I didn’t think we were meant to have any kids. We tried to make the best of the idea, saying we could travel and spend all kinds of money on things we wanted instead.
The day after we got home from our trip we had a phone call. They had a placement for us. A 2 day old baby boy straight from the hospital. Even after all our declarations on our vacation I called and talked to hubby and we decided to take the baby. We were told he was possibly a long term placement but we didn’t really know what that meant.
Literally 45 minutes later the baby was in my living room. I couldn’t help but stare at the tiniest baby I’d ever seen. The poor thing was wrapped in all kinds of blankets just to get him to fit in the carseat. He was only 5 pounds. I left him in the carseat while the social worker had us sign papers and tell us what was going on with him. I didn’t want to pick him up in front of her, I was terrified I might break him, he was so tiny!
She finally left and I took him out and fed him and carried him around for a while. I felt this immediate flood of emotions and strange bond with this baby in my arms. I snuggled him close and promised him that I would be there to see his first smile and he would know me as mama and I would protect him to matter what.
The next few months held many many many doctors appointments. We discovered issue after issue with this tiny boy. Baby J had so many allergies, kidney issues, breathing issues, and so much more. At one point he had rashes that covered him from head to tow from allergies so severe until I figured out what he was allergic to (not what the doctors insisted he was allergic to!). We had (and still do have) ultrasounds once every other month to monitor his kidneys. By the time he was a couple months old we were working with a total of 13 doctors, specialists, and therapists. Several which had to come in from other states and cities. I was at the doctor usually 3 times and week and when we started therapies we had that 3 times a week in-home. My heart went out to this poor baby. I knew he needed us and our bond grew so strong.
All this time we reported every single thing to the state. We even called a meeting with them and tried to tell them exactly what was going on with him and how delicate his situation was. We were told numerous times by many doctors of his that he needed to remain in our home because he was strongly bonded and at high risk of failure to thrive. They gave excuses, didn’t listen. We even recorded some of the meetings with them and seriously, the things that were said would curdle your blood. It was terrifying. At one point we had a social worker come into our home and told us we needed to give up because it didn’t matter what we want, it didn’t matter what the doctors said, they were going to do what they wanted.
Fast forward to Baby J turning 10 months old. His case was finally cleared and now the state was opening up interviews for adoptive parents. We were repeatedly told we had no rights. We tried to hire an attorney to help the baby and she did a ton of research before telling us she couldn’t help. Our adoption interview went fine but we were basically told it wasn’t going to happen.
December 23rd I got a call. They were having the meeting to decide Baby J’s future right then. The social worker would call us in a few hours to let us know the outcome. I took Baby J in my arms and rocked him and sang him to sleep and then I cried and prayed for some kind of miracle. 45 minutes later (after my husband had rushed home from work) we got the call. My husband took it and went in the other room. I heard him choke up and I started crying all over again. He finally came back into the room I was in and I collapsed in his arms. I lifted my head up as he told me, “They picked us hun, they picked us. He’s staying with us.” I completely broke down and sobbed uncontrolably while the social worker was still on the line. She told us she was on her way out to give us the details and tell us what’s next. After my husband got off the phone I looked at him and said, “We finally have a son, he is our son!!” Which was followed by more tears and sobbing.
Then the phone calls…first the new grandparents and my granny (who became a great grandma for the first time!) and down the line. I was in complete shock and could hardly focus. When the social worker arrived she told us that there had been 7 people on his adoption committee, 7 people we knew and had spoken to and had been against us this whole time (expect one, the CASA worker who was with us weekly and knew just how much he really needed us!), she told us the entire committee was UNANIMOUS in the decision for him to stay with us. Talk about complete and utter shock. We had truly witnessed an honest to goodness miracle.
A month after we had found out this incredible news I had a doctors appointment and the doctor found tumors in both of my ovaries and extremely severe endometriosis (scar tissue). I would not have biological children without serious surgery and probably not even then. After all this time I finally had a diagnosis and you know what? I was ok with it. After the miracle we had gone through I knew that we were supposed to adopt.
Another month later and we had to go through the paperwork for Baby J. When you adopt a child from the state you are required to go through everything they have on that child so you fully understand what you are taking on. Even though really nothing came as a surprise to us it was all just more confirmation of our miracle. One incredible amazing thing though…when we were waiting for a decision, before the committee meeting, our social worker told us the only thing we could do was have recommendation letters send to the agency. So we told everyone we could about this and prayed that the letters would somehow move the hearts of the committee members. In the paperwork we dgot we found dozens of letters written by doctors, therapists, friends, family, teachers, and so much more. (Cue my crying again!) I’m not sure what kind of impact they had on the committee if any but it was such a blessing to know how many lives this little guy has already touched and how many love him.
Another month went by and it was adoption day. Somehow we got through the whole thing without shedding a tear, it was all smiles on this day. And honestly I didn’t really believe he was ours until I got that paper with his name and our last name on it.
I’ve never not believed for one minute that I’m not completely blessed and that I’m not witnessing a miracle everyday when I wake up and see my son smiling back at me. My heart is completely bonded with his so much to the point that I even forget that he isn’t my flesh and blood. But he is, and always will be my son. And no, those words don’t even get old to say. My son <3
*Unfortunately due to security reasons I will not be posting any pictures of him on this blog. But I assure you he is absolutely adorable and has sweet soft blond/red hair and warm brown eyes.